


Ice Water

by J_33



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: 5x12, Angst, Other, spoilers for season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2276595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_33/pseuds/J_33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The water was freezing, but not as cold as her heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice Water

**Author's Note:**

> My first published Rizzoli and Isles fic. There are no relationships in this one, just strong friendships and family matters. I had this vision in my mind and decided to write it down. 
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> Warning: mentions of miscarriage, and semi dark themes.

Jane didn’t know what being a mom would ever feel like. When she was a little girl she said that she would never have kids, because being a professional baseball player on the Red Sox was just too demanding (and boys were gross). Then once she decided that the baseball dream probably wouldn’t work, she had her mind set on being a cop, being a detective, but a family never really seemed to be on that list of dreams. While all the other girls in her school cooked, wore dresses, and fantasized over their future weddings, she was dreaming about putting criminals in jail, for real (because putting her brothers in fake prisons didn’t count).

 

So she became a detective, and she saved people’s lives, and she had Maura, Korsak, Frankie, and the rest of her team, no, her family, and that all seemed like enough.

 

Sometimes life doesn’t always work out the way you plan though. Sitting on the bathroom toilet, staring down at the little pink plus sign that marked the pregnancy test, Jane was finally speechless. It wasn’t the fear of raising a baby that silence her because she had watched TJ enough times to know that she could handle changing diapers, and warming bottles. The truth was, she wasn’t sure what she was so scared of, so she ignored that feeling in her gut, while another thing grew inside of her. A baby, _her_ baby.

 

She could deal with the morning sickness and bloating, and she could give up beer, and junk food, but she couldn’t seem to get rid of the thought that something bad was bound to happen. Jane didn’t know what she was so scared of until she heard the second sound of a bullet being fired from a gun. It hit her like a thousand bulls running full speed into her. She was wearing her vest, so there was no blood, but there was something worse. Tasha was bleeding out though, and she had to save her, she had to do what she dreamed to do ever since she was a little girl. She had to save people, she had to.

 

On the phone with Maura, stuck in that grimy elevator, with a girl on the verge of death, she tried so hard to stay strong, but it was growing harder with each passing second. She felt so hot, and her stomach felt all cramped, and her voice was weak and shaky, while she told Maura that she was okay. She wasn’t okay, but she had to be, she was Jane Rizzoli, she had been shot, and kidnapped, and stalked by psycho serial killer, but she was always okay in the end. Then why did this feel so different?

 

Help was on the way, but it wouldn’t be there fast enough. The first time the steel pipe hit her back, she felt the wind being knocked out of her, but the second time she just felt empty. With a painful grunt, she moved out of the way from the fatal blow, but there was more to come. She cried out “No!” when she saw the man lift the pipe above his head ready to end her life. She didn’t say it because she didn’t want to die, she said it for what she already lost. Out of nowhere a gun went off, and the man fell to his knees. Jane wished that it made her feel better to know that he was gone, but she blacked out before she could say anything.

 

Jane Rizzoli was a detective to all, a hero to some, and a friend, but she wasn’t a mother, not anymore.

 

She could get past that though. She was strong, and she would throw herself back into her work, and act like nothing ever happened, and ignore the looks of sympathy that were thrown her way while she walked the precinct halls, but she could ignore the aching feeling in her heart, caused by the empty feeling in her stomach.

 

At night, she couldn’t help but let all the things she’d been ignoring float to the surface. Some nights she woke up in a sweat, with arms clenched around her stomach, and tears down her cheeks. Other nights she woke up wanting to punch a hole through the wall, and down her regrets with alcohol, but she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t leave Maura, her mom, and brothers, and team behind. She couldn’t give in. She was still a detective, she still had lives to save, and people to put away.

 

All those moments led up to this one. You could say that about every little moment, and memory throughout your life, but it is when you’re standing on the ledge of a bridge trying to convince a man not to jump, when it seems the most appropriate.

 

Jane could here Maura in the back of her head telling her to be safe, but she was tired, so tired of losing people. First Frost, then her baby. She couldn’t go back in time and stop him for driving back home, and she couldn’t go back and bring backup to find Tasha, but she could save this men, or she could at least try.

 

He was walking back to her, and she was about to take his hand to bring him back up to safety when he tripped. Her heart stopped as she watched him fall into the water below. Without knowing what she was doing, she jumped after him, and felt the air soar behind her, just as soon as the icy water meant her skin

 

* * *

 

Jane didn’t know what being a mom would ever feel like, but now staring down at that little ball of joy in her arms, she was speechless. Maybe it’s the way that life can be created, or maybe it was just the shock of it all, but all she knew for sure is that she would love this baby, _her_ baby, _her_ daughter, forever.

 

There was a knocking at the hospital room door, and then in walked Frost. He looked happy, but there was a certain sadness in his eyes.

 

“How you doing?” he asked, walking over.

 

“I’m good,” Jane replied. “Wanna hold her?” she asked.

 

“I’d be honored,” he said taking the baby into his arms. She looked so small compared to him.

 

“I think she likes you,” Jane said, as he continued to rock the baby back and forth.

 

“Are you going to catch bad guys just like your mommy?” he said in that voice you use while talking to children (or small pets).

 

“I hope not,” Jane said, and because she knew why her mother was always so worried every time she went out on the job, and she didn’t ever want to feel like that.

 

The baby started crying, but it was drowned out by the words that came out of Frost’s mouth. “It’s time to go back,” he said.

 

“What are you talking about?” Jane asked, panic coursing through her veins.

 

“It’s not your time. People need you,” he said.

 

“No, I can’t just leave my baby,” she said, her voice rising.

 

“I’ll take care of her, I promise you that Jane,” he replied.

 

“”I can’t lose you again, Frost,” she said.

 

“You never lost me. We’ll always be partners, and we’ll always be friends, but there are people that need you more than I do right now,” he finished, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe.

 

All the oxygen had been sucked from her lungs and she felt like she was drowning. Her last image was of Frost rocking her baby in his arms, waving goodbye, before everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

She could hear someone calling her name, but she couldn’t put a face to the voice. It was a women’s voice, she recognized it from somewhere…it was Maura! Jane went to scream back, when water filled her lungs. Opening her eyes in a panic she realized that she was under water. There was a lifeless body floating next to her, and that is when it all came rushing back to her. She remembered trying to convince Paul Wescort, who was a suspect in his mistress’s murder, not to jump off the bridge, but he tripped, and now here she was.

 

In a panic Jane grabbed him by his arm, and hauled him back to the surface. Her arms were weak and her body was begging for air, but she had to keep going, she had to save him. Finally making it to the surface, she took a great big breath of air, whilst coughing up some water, but there was still work to be done.

 

Jane pushed through the water, and was able to pull him to the shore which seemed like it was miles away at the time. Her clothes were soaked as she checked for any sign of life, but she came up empty. Starting CPR, she saw Maura running towards her.

 

“Call an ambulance,” Jane ordered in between breaths.

 

“Jane-,” Maura started.

 

“He needs an ambulance, now!” she choked out.

 

“Jane, he’s dead,” Maura said, but Jane couldn’t listen to her, she couldn’t stop giving him CPR.

 

Her job was to save lives, but then why did she keep failing. First Frost, then her baby, and now this? Paul Wescort was an innocent man, and now he’s laying cold on some shore. It’s not fair, it’s right.

 

Jane was forced to stop once she became light headed. She stood up, her clothes still dripping water, and she ran to the side of the shore, and emptied the contents of her stomach. Boston was so hot a few days ago, but now she was shivering, numb from the cold. Her vision was still blurry, but she could see Maura staring at her from across the empty beach.

 

With every fiber in her body she fought the urge to drop to her knees and ask the world why? Instead she stood up straight, and walked past Maura.

 

“Call Korsak, we have a double homicide now,” Jane said, and she’d be damned if she let the killer walk.

 

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHHH!!!! THis will proably just be a one-shot unless I get inspired to do more. Except a criminal minds fic coming soon (if I get enough time to do it), and there is also more Avengers, and possible Covert Affairs fics to come. Tell me what you thought, and feel free to request anything below.
> 
> Thanks for reading:)


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